10am. Sunday rolls over me slow and easy, like a long incoming tide through the cattails of a saltwater marsh. Thank god. After a shower and a shave I’m feeling man enough to find some breakfast. Out of cereal, which means, inevitably, only one thing: Hot Lips. It’s a bad idea. You know it, I know it- hell the guy making it probably knows it. But last time I checked Rachel Ray ain’t in my kitchen making scrambled eggs and french toast. Pity. She’s a button.
12:13pm. Pop a couple of Tums and head out to L’s. Wave at Grandma through her screen door. Still alive, check. Inspect trashcan with high hopes- hopes that are crushed when the lid is removed. The trash is still there. More mystery: the yard debris can is gone- or more accurately: emptied and returned to its place by the side of the house. What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here? Executive decision: put entire trashcan in the back of the truck. I’ll get rid of it at work. The piece of mind is worth the hassle.
Lots of mail, most of it junk. House seems fine, no ants or squatters. I have my little watering can, so the plants ought to be a snap. Halfway through I spill some water on the mantle. Paper towel- quick! Spin, and smash shin into coffee table. Hop around the room cursing and vowing to destroy table with chainsaw and dynamite and then burn entire house down. Regain composure. Check shin and confirm it is bleeding. Re-commit to table smashing plan. Finish watering plants.
1pm. In the bathroom more puzzles. Normally confident when flushing, I am immobilized by the dual-flush system of the toilet. Press the little button or the big one? I note there is one little bump on one and two little bumps on the other. Braille? I select button “number one.”
1:11pm. Renew love of Too Much Joy. Burn the disk. One small victory for the home team. Scan the house one more time and head out the door. Mission accomplished. Next week some other soul will be minding the shop. I just have to get rid of this trash and I’m home free.
Mental note to bring shin pads the next time I come out.
1 comment:
I'm sad this is over.
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