Day 1

It has been raining hard in the City of Roses. Our neighbors to the north have suffered the worst of it; flooding and "voluntary evacuations" for the last few days. Still, a hundred year flood isn't going to water the plants. I have a job to do.

It is dark by the time I get to the house. No problem with the front door- I have a key. But the light switch apparently only turns the lights outside on and off. I have to stumble into the kitchen to find the answer. I brought milk, so into the fridge it goes. There are the instructions, right on the kitchen counter. Seems pretty simple, but I have a problem. In the ultimate text message, L requested I "take out the trash." In the writen instructions it is clear I "shouldn't have to take the trash out." I can't find any trash. No rubbish anywhere. Somebody cleaned the place out. Screw it. Plants next.

I don't have a good track record with plants. Maybe I don't talk to them the right way. But they've never said a nice thing about me either. I know this: if the soil is dry it is time for a drink. Plus, the instructions help. But there is a new problem. No watering can. Sure, grab a glass tough guy. Sounds great and all, but in practice it ain't so easy to get the water out of the glass and into the little nooks and crannies. Deal with it. Mental note to bring a proper jug. Lemons are still green. L denies they are limes, but who's the pirate?

Upstairs to check email and there is a sudden banging on the front door. What, I'm gonna be the guy who gets assaulted randomly while watering the plants? Great. Down the stairs, open the door. Grandma. Must be the neighbor. Left her keys somewhere, has to go back and get them. I'm in charge of watching for her kids. They are arriving soon and need to wait for her. Fine. No problem-o. Better than the anticipated home invasion. Somehow the scene reminds me of Blazing Saddles. Between us grandma is a little wired. Still bucketing down outside.

Back upstairs. Too much music to copy- probably won't get to any of it. Mental note to bring blank CDs.

Time to wrap it up. Back to the kitchen, collect the P90X. DVD confusion. Sudden banging on the kitchen window and I think I may have pooped my shorts a little. Grandma waving at me through the pouring rain: "Its all right, I found my keys! Thank you for your help!" I'm rapidly becoming an underground success in this town.

Mail in the box, lights off. Door locked. Yard debris in the can by the curb. Whose is it? Check next time. Really raining but I'm back in the truck. Start it up and remember the milk. Billions of Blue Blistering Barnacles. Back inside, grab the milk.

Mental note to pick up cereal on the way home.